


Confidante

by Sterling_Jay



Series: Leap of Faith [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Big Sister Alex, F/F, Gen, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena's self-esteem issues, OR IS IT, One-Sided Attraction, Rejection, Understanding Alex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-08 01:52:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13447992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sterling_Jay/pseuds/Sterling_Jay
Summary: A leap of faith, a broken heart.





	1. Chapter 1

Alex paused the movie, listening to the quiet of the night around her. She moved to unpause it when she heard the quiet tapping at her door again.

“Alex?”

She jumped up to open the door at the sound of Kara’s low, sad voice, pulling her inside as soon as she could.

“Kara? What happened?” She took in her sister’s tear stained face, the unhappy ruddiness of her cheeks. “What is it, what’s wrong? I thought you and Lena were going to-”

“She said no,” she said hoarsely. “I mean, she did it nicely, but,” she shrugged, wrapping her arms around herself.

“But the way she looks at you,” she began, noticing Kara’s trembling chin. “Oh, Kara.” She walked her over to the couch, wrapping her in a hug.

“She thought I wouldn’t want to be friends anymore, if she said no, but Alex, she’s my best friend!” She angrily wiped her tears away. “Who does that? Just because- she’s _allowed_ to not want me back, Alex, she doesn’t have to-”

“I know Kara,” she stroked at her hair, holding her as tightly as she could, “I know.”

“You can’t get mad at her, Alex,” she said worriedly, “you can’t, she was already afraid that she was going to lose me for turning her down and she’s just getting used to having friends again-”

“I won’t,” she reassured her, pulling her closer. “You’re right, she’s allowed to not want you back, she’s allowed to have her feelings.” Kara nodded against her chest, and Alex felt her heart break for both women. “So are you though, okay? You’re allowed to be upset and hurt and-”

“I don’t want to be though,” she whispered. “I want to be okay with the fact that she said no, and I want us to still be able to have dinner and game nights and movie nights, and sleepovers after the movie nights but it’s all _ruined_ now.”

“Hey. That stuff is _not_ ruined, it’s just going to be different,” she said firmly. “You’re going to need to renegotiate some boundaries, and figure each other out again, but it’s not ruined unless you let it be. And even then, I think Lena cares about you too much to just let your friendship go because you’ve got a crush on her. Right?”

Kara shrugged, curling further in on herself.

“Look at it this way- did Winn abandon you after you turned him down a bunch of times?” Kara shook her head. “What about James, after you guys broke up?” She shook her head again. “And you didn’t let go of them either, because their friendship is important to you, right?” She nodded, grabbing onto Alex’s hand. “Lena’s important to you too. And you’re important to her. Her turning you down is going to change things,” she said, “but I think it’s just going to make you two stronger in the end.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Ms. Danvers,” Jess trotted behind Alex, trying to keep up, “I don’t think Ms. Luthor is really up to seeing anyone today, she seemed rather stressed and asked me to reschedule all of her meetings to next week, so if you’ll just,” she ran into Alex’s back when she stopped suddenly.

“Sorry, Jess,” she said, steadying her. “But I’m not a meeting.” She held up the bag of food she had in her hand. “I’m a friend, bringing lunch.”

“Well, she hasn’t eaten all day as far as I know,” Jess said hesitantly.

“And you’re always saying how she needs to take better care of herself,” Alex said agreeably, patting her on the shoulder and leading her further up the stairs. “We’ve got to work together to make sure she doesn’t forget to eat, right?”

“I suppose?”

“That reminds me.” She reached into the bag and pulled out a sandwich. “Kara said you enjoyed those sandwiches from Noonan’s, the ones she got you the last time she brought Lena lunch, so I picked one up for you.”

“Oh. Thank you?”

“No problem.” She gently led her by the arm to her desk, pulling out her chair for her. “Here, you sit and enjoy, and I’ll make sure Lena eats,” she said, showing her the bag again.

“Sure.” She sat there nonplussed as Alex patted her on the shoulder one last time and walked past her to go into the office. “What just happened?”

* * *

 

“I thought I asked you to hold everything until next week, Jess,” Lena said, pen scratching away at paperwork.

“Not Jess.” Lena’s head popped up and she stared wide-eyed at Alex as she walked to the couch to make herself comfortable. “Brought you lunch.” She started pulling the food out of the bag, arranging it around the table.

“I don’t want to talk about it today, Alex,” she said, frozen behind her desk.

“Talk about what?” She tossed a fry in her mouth. “Lunch? Because Jess looked like she was already heading out to get you something when I showed up.”

“Dammit, that’s not what I meant and you know it!” She slammed her hands on her desk as she stood, cheeks flushing red. “I’m sorry that I had to say no, I am. She’s wonderful, but I- I can’t.”

Alex took note of the word ‘can’t’, chewing contemplatively on her fries.

“I’m not here about that. Or,” she shrugged, fry still in hand, “I am, but not specifically. I thought you could use a friend.”

“But she’s your sister, she needs you right now.”

“She’s at work.” She propped her boots up on the coffee table, leaning back into the couch. “And,” she took a bite of her sandwich, “Snapper Carr likes ‘displays of emotion’ even less than Cat Grant did. And, _after_ work, she’s got, you know, her second job to keep her occupied. So she’s taken care of, right now.”

“I don’t need to be ‘taken care of’, Alex. I’m, I’m fine. I’m not the one who got hurt in all this. Kara is.” She stared blankly at her desk. “I wish she hadn’t been.”

“Come,” Alex waved her over, “Sit.” Lena hesitated, still standing at her desk. “Look, some of us don’t have a totally disposable income, are you really going to let this food I bought you go to waste?” Lena tentatively sat beside her, taking the salad when Alex pushed it into her hands. “Eat.”

“Alex, really, I’m _fine_ , you don’t need to be here.”

“Yeah, because that’s how you look when you’re fine,” she snorted. Lena’s hand went up to her hair and face, only for Alex to pull it back down. “You look put together, stop that. It’s,” she waved a hand up and down, “I don’t know, body language? You’re upset. You’re allowed to be.” Lena just stared. “ _Eat_.”

* * *

 

“Why did Kara send you,” Lena asked, finally placing her empty salad bowl onto the coffee table. “I would’ve thought that after I turned her down-” She shook her head. “She told me she was fine, when she was leaving. That we’d get through it. But she was ready to break down in tears, Alex, so I don’t understand why you’d come. You must be furious with me.”

“Well, first off, Kara didn’t send me. She doesn’t even know I’m here. Secondly,” she wiped her mouth with a napkin, frowning, “I don’t think ‘furious’ is the right word. Confused, maybe. Upset that Kara cried, definitely. But that’s not at you.”

“So she did cry.” Lena closed her eyes, covering her face with her hands. “I didn’t want her to. I’m not-”

“If the next two words out of your mouth were going to be ‘worth it’, Luthor, _don’t_. Because obviously, Kara disagrees.” She waited for Lena to nod, her hands still covering her face. “And so do I. Look.” She tapped Lena’s leg until Lena uncovered, staring at her with red eyes. “I don’t know why you said no. Because I was positive that you two would get together and be disgustingly couple-y for the next…forever, basically.” Lena sniffled, putting her head in her hand again.

“Hey, no. Stop that.” She moved closer to Lena putting an arm around her and handing her a napkin to wipe her tears. “I don’t know why you said no. I’m not going to ask. If you want to talk about it, I’m here to listen, but I’m not going to push the issue. You said no. Kara respects that. I respect that. Kara,” she sighed, letting Lena’s head fall against her shoulder, “she told me that you were afraid of losing her, when you said no. She was afraid that she’d hurt you, and your friendship, and I think she was more upset about that than the whole ‘not getting to date you’ thing.”

“But I’m the one that-”

“Turned her down, I know. But she was upset _because_ she was upset, if that makes any sense.”

“So she sent you here to smooth things over?”

“No,” she rolled her eyes. “I already told you, she doesn’t know I’m here. I came here, of my own free will, to let you know that you still have people you can talk to, people in your corner, even when you don’t feel comfortable talking to Kara. Or,” she shrugged, “to not talk to. We can just hang out and have a drink and not talk about anything. Sometimes you just need someone there, to not feel alone, right?”

“She tells me that she’s worried I drink too much sometimes,” she said, shredding the napkin in her hand. “I’m pretty sure tonight’s going to be a wine night.”

“She tells me the same thing. Guess we deal with things similarly. So, I guess it’s settled then. I’ll bring the beer and scotch, you’ll provide the wine, and we’ll figure something out for takeout. We’ll make it a girl’s night.”

“What? Alex,” she laughed nervously, “there’s no reason to do that, I’m, I’ll be fine on my own!”

“And you’ll be even better with someone there, won’t you?” She patted Lena on the leg and got up. “See you tonight, Luthor,” she said, walking out the door.

“Alex!” She heard her and Jess say their goodbyes and the elevator doors open and close. “What the hell was that?”


	3. Chapter 3

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _Luthor, r u going to let me up?_

 **_Lena:_ ** _Should I? Your grammar and spelling say ‘no’._

 **_A. Danvers:_ ** _it’s a txt. u know I’ll badge my way in if I have to_

 **_Lena:_ ** _sigh_

Alex leaned against the wall and waited for the elevator call order to come down, shifting the bags in her hands.

“Bit of a party happening upstairs tonight, Ms. Danvers,” the doorman asked, nodding at the alcohol peeking out.

“Or something,” she agreed, heading into the elevator.

* * *

 “Why does this feel like a hostage situation,” Lena asked when she opened the door.

“It’s a _benevolent_ hostage situation,” Alex joked, taking her bags to the kitchen. “Like protective custody or something.”

“And who exactly are you protecting me from? I was planning a quiet night in, by myself, with some wine and maybe some Thai food.”

“That,” Alex pointed at her, “that right there. That’s what I’m protecting you from.”

“What, the wine? From what you told me at my office, you don’t have much room to talk!”

“Hey, I’ve gotten better about it. You know how? By having someone there to support me. That ‘maybe’ on the food, that’s not good, with or without the wine.”

“Alex, I’m fine!”

“She says, pouring herself an industrial sized glass of wine.”

“I’m an industry lead,” she joked, rolling her eyes at Alex’s unamused frown. “Being a CEO is _stressful_.”

“Or you’re just beating yourself up for hurting Kara’s feelings.”

“Can we _not_ talk about this,” Lena begged, “I just wanted to take tonight for myself to,” she shook her head, “I don’t even know, just, think about how this is going to change our relationship in the future? Dwell on it for a night so I can move on?”

There was a knock at Lena’s door, and Alex went to answer it, handing money over to the doorman.

“Luckily for you, I’m good at dwelling. And it starts with good Thai food.”

* * *

 “Why haven’t you asked me why I turned her down,” Lena asked around her fourth glass of wine. “I know you’re curious about it.”

“Do you want to tell me?”

“Not particularly,” she drawled.

“I didn’t think so,” she said. “So why would I ask if I knew you wouldn’t answer?”

Lena hummed, turning her attention back to the tv.

“I do want that, you know.” She pointed at the tv with her glass. “The whole romance thing. Flowers and soft morning kisses. Fill her entire apartment with them this time, instead of her office.” She nodded blearily to herself. “Can’t though. Never work out for someone like me.” She laughed, startling Alex. “Can you imagine? Me, having a wedding, _us_ , and it’s just like every other event I’ve had in National City. It would be an all-out war zone at the end of things. Ends in disaster like every other good thing in my life.”

“Is that why you don’t want to be with Kara?”

“Said I didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t I?” She put her finger over her lips. “ _Shh_.”

“I think you’ve had enough wine,” she said, standing and taking the glass to the kitchen with her.

“I’m still thirsty,” she complained, staring over the back of the couch balefully.

“So I’ll get you a glass of water.”

“You’re being too nice.” She took the water and chugged half of it before setting it down on the coffee table and sprawling backwards on the couch. “I thought you’d be all…death threats and violence.”

“I haven’t threatened you _once_ after Kara came out as Supergirl.”

“When we played Monopoly on game night,” Lena began, snorting at Alex’s scowl.

“Threats that happen because of game night don’t count.” She lifted Lena’s legs to rest on top of her own, laying her head back against the couch to stare at the ceiling. “You’re Kara’s best friend, okay? And yeah, she’s had Winn and James before, and she and Cat Grant were close, I guess, but aside from me, you’re her actual _best_ , closest friend. She can rely on you.” She sighed heavily, turning to look at her. “I was jealous about it, a few weeks ago. She’d been calling you up instead of me, whenever she wanted to talk. I guess I just got caught up in my own stuff and she still needed someone. You were there for her. That’s important to me.”

“Is it just for Kara’s sake then,” she asked quietly.

“It was at first,” she said honestly. “Being nice to you in general. And then we started talking technology and biology, and finally, someone who can keep up with me without getting bored of it like Kara does, or competitive about it every time like Winn! And we can have those debates we do sometimes,” she waved a finger between them, “about vigilantism and ethics and what alcohol goes best with what meal, or the best motorcycles. And,” she shrugged, “family, legacies, and living in the shadow of our siblings, even if our situations are different.”

She looked over to see Lena’s reaction, only to find her asleep, snoring softly.

“Should’ve known you’d crash out.” She pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and spread it out to cover them, ready to hold vigil for the night.

* * *

 “You were at Lena’s last night,” Kara said, following Alex into her lab. “You didn’t tell me you were going to- Alex, tell me you didn’t say anything-”

“She needed a friend,” Alex said, cocking a hip. “You were on duty and occupied, and you were right. She _is_ still just getting used to having friends. So I took her some lunch and then stayed over to make sure she’d be okay. She’s,” she sighed, “pretty upset, too.”

“Oh…”

“No, Kara!” She groaned. “At herself. For turning you down. Just like she was when you showed up at my place. She thought you sent me, she doesn’t like that she hurt you…etcetera, etcetera.”

“But you stayed the whole night?”

“And you apparently staked out her place instead of taking care of business,” Alex shot back.

“I, psh, I took care of business,” she spluttered. “I just…happened to do a fly-by once or twice.” She deflated, wrapping her arms around herself. “I wanted to make sure she was okay.”

“She will be.”


	4. Chapter 4

**_Lena:_ ** _Should I be expecting my office or home invaded again tonight?_

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _r u going to skip lunch and then try to clear out ur wine cellar again?_

**_Lena:_ ** _Jess already brought me food_

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _then I’ll skip the office invasion_

**_Lena:_ ** _And my apartment?_

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _u going to drink?_

**_Lena:_ ** _Maybe._

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _then we’ll c_

**_Lena:_ ** _Can’t you spell whole words? If nothing else, that will drive me to drink._

**_A. Danvers:_ ** _at this point I just do it to annoy u :P_

**_Lena:_ ** _Rude. Don’t you have work to do?_

* * *

 

“I’m still surprised that you haven’t asked my reasoning,” Lena said as she wandered Alex’s apartment, examining the pictures on the wall as Alex poured them some drinks.

“Are you more willing to tell me today than you were yesterday?”

“Not really.”

“Then why am I going to spend the time asking?”

Lena smiled weakly at her as she took her glass and Alex sighed.

“I don’t mean that in an ‘I don’t care’ way,” she said, watching Lena try to shrug it off. “Hey. I literally just mean that you’re not going to answer, so I’m not going to ask. If you wanted to talk about it, I’m all ears. But there’s a thousand reasons you might not want to date Kara and they’re all valid.”

She dropped into an armchair, directing Lena into the other.

“There’s the whole Super/Luthor thing, the general family rivalry, the interspecies relationship thing, the superhero thing, you’re not attracted to her physically, you’re not attracted to her romantically, you just don’t want to date her in general,” she listed off, watching Lena’s face go from incredulous to annoyed to blushing and avoiding eye contact. “For all I know, you just can’t stand the thought of eating potstickers once a week, every week, for as long as you two are together.”

Lena snorted into her glass, choking on the drink she’d just taken.

“I’m pretty sure being Kara’s friend entails once-a-week potstickers, romantic entanglement or not.”

“Very true.” She clicked on the tv, letting the sound wash over them. “I mean it, if you wanted to talk about it, I’ll hear you out. But I’m not going to push, and I’m not going to try to convince you one way or another. She’s my sister, but you’re my friend. You need to do what’s best for _you_.”

* * *

 

“Why aren’t you with her tonight,” Lena finally asked after the first movie. “Did she not want your company?”

“She’s doing night shifts. I’ve got dayshifts this week. I usually end up swapping day and night shifts every month, not counting emergencies.”

“And she’s not, I don’t know, missing you being there right now, considering,” she waved her hand vaguely, “the situation?”

“She’s an adult, Lena. She can handle it. And if she really needs to talk to someone, Winn’s probably the one controlling the comm lines, so she’s got some support anyways.”

“I kind of hope she doesn’t talk to him about it,” she laughed nervously. “The fewer people know, the better.”

“Scotch sounds good right now,” Alex declared, throwing herself out of the armchair. “How about you, do you want some scotch?”

“Alex?”

She sighed, pulling the cork from the bottle and pouring them both a generous measure.

“Winn already knows.”

“And, I’ll assume James as well then,” Lena said sardonically, snatching the glass from Alex.

“And Vasquez. Coworker,” she explained, clearing the confusion on Lena’s face. “There was, you know,” she shrugged, hoping it seemed casual, “a betting pool on when you two would get together.”

“A betting pool,” she said flatly.

“DEO-wide betting pool, yeah.” She took a swig from her glass, watching Lena’s expression out of the corner of her eye.

“How many people were in on it?” Alex kept avoiding her eye. “Alex,” she said warningly.

“Just a few!”

“How many is ‘a few’?”

“You know,” she laughed awkwardly, “James, Winn, me…Vasquez, J’onn…”

“J’onn was in on it? What, ‘how fast can the Luthor break the Super’s heart’? That’s,” she laughed, sounding a bit hysterical, “I can’t believe you all would- I mean, it’s _Kara_ , and you’re all just callously betting on-”

“On when you two would realize you two seem made for each other and make each other happy,” Alex said, gently putting a hand on Lena’s arm. “No one thought you’d break her heart, or hurt her. There wasn’t ever a mention of the fact that you’re a ‘Luthor’, because you’re a good Luthor, a good _person_. Everyone at the DEO knows that.”

“I think I need to go.” She set down her glass and picked up her purse, slipping her shoes on as she walked to the door.

“Lena, I swear, it wasn’t anything bad!”

“It doesn’t matter-” she cut herself off, already calling up her driver, “I just. I need to go. I'll see you later, Alex.”


	5. Chapter 5

Alex went to sleep with unread texts to Lena on her phone and woke up to the sound of her bedroom window sliding up.

“Hands where I can see them.” She held a gun on the shadow, pulling the light switch on her lamp.

“Do you always sleep with a gun?”

She groaned and pushed the gun back into the frame of the bed, shoving her head under her pillow.

“Alex…”

“Kara,” she pointed at her threateningly, still under the pillow, “I swear if you take another step into my apartment with your crime-grime covered boots, you will regret it.”

“I think I can take you, Alex. Kryptonian super strength, remember?”

“I’ll change the Netflix password,” she mumbled, “I swear I will and I’ll make Winn block the whole website at your apartment.”

“Fine.” One boot, then the other thumped to the ground. “Happy now?”

“Cape too.”

“What did my cape ever do to you?”

“Attempted to strangle me in my sleep on at least three different occasions.” She peeked out from under the pillow to see Kara standing in front of her with her arms crossed. “Cape off and you can spend the night or whatever.” She dropped back on top of the pillow with a tired groan. “How was patrol?”

“Lena was here tonight.”

“Are you following her or something? Seriously Kara, if you’re slacking, J’onn-”

“I’m _not_ slacking. I just did a sweep here when I saw her walking downstairs.” She climbed onto the bed, and Alex rolled over to face her. “Is she okay?”

“We’re still working on it.” Kara grabbed a handful of the comforter, bunching it up in her hand. “Hey,” Alex put her hand on top of Kara’s to stop the movement, “what’s wrong?”

“You told me that you didn’t- that you don’t- I mean, it would be okay if you did, but I would want you to _tell_ me, you know?”

“Hey.” She tapped Kara’s hand. “It is _midnight_. I’m not a mind reader. What did I tell you I ‘don’t’?”

“Have a crush on Lena.”

“Nope. No. Nuh-uh.” She sat up, pointing her finger in Kara’s face. “I do _not_ have a crush on her. And if I did? It would definitely _not_ be okay for me to be trying to act on a crush on her right now, not when you’re still hurting. Remember? You are allowed to not be okay with stuff. Especially something like that.”

“But you two are hanging around a lot more than before-”

“She needed someone to keep an eye on her. She needs her friends. She needs to have someone there for her, because it’s messing with her too.”

“So you’re…”

“Treating her like I would treat you, if you were upset about something. Distracting her with food, tv, making sure she doesn’t overdo it on the drinking because apparently I’m not the only one you get after about that…”

“You both need to cut back,” Kara grumbled, finally laying down on the bed. “How bad is it?”

“It hasn’t been a week yet,” Alex said, laying back down. “She’s thinking things over. Give her time.”


	6. Chapter 6

“I’m afraid I can’t let you in, Ms. Danvers,” Jess said, blocking the door with her arms outstretched. “Ms. Luthor isn’t taking meetings today.” She held up a finger to stop Alex’s protest. “Or guests. Even ones bearing food.”

“And what about the ones bearing badges,” she asked, holding out the wallet.

“Unless you have a warrant, I’m afraid I can’t let you in.”

Alex growled and then stepped forward, banging on the office doors.

“It’s been three days, Lena, I’m getting worried over here! Kara keeps asking why I haven’t been taking care of you recently,” she yelled through the door.

Jess shoved Alex back with a glare, crossing her arms and blocking the door again.

“Ms. Danvers, Ms. Luthor is trying to get some work done. I’m sure she doesn’t appreciate,” she jumped forward as the door behind her opened. “Ms. Luthor!”

“Sorry, Jess.” She looked at Alex through the cracked door. “Kara knew you were keeping an eye on me?”

“She’d,” she took a glance at Jess and then back to Lena, “checked in on you a few times. Wanted to make sure you were okay. She saw you leave my place and wanted to know what was going on.”

“Jess,” Lena whispered a few words to her, and she stepped aside, giving Alex another warning glare, even as she accepted the bag of food from her hands. “Come in, Alex.”

* * *

 Alex let the door swing shut behind her, leaning back against it with her hands in her pockets.

“What exactly does Kara know about our little…meetings, Alex?”

“You make it sound so shady,” she scoffed. “She knows that we hung out for a few days, that I made sure you ate and didn’t drink too much, and that I stayed over that one night to make sure you were okay. You and I never really talked about much, so there wasn’t much to say.”

“So she knows about the bets, then?”

“She- No, actually. That didn’t come up.” She took her hands out of her pockets and shrugged. “I don’t think she’d take it much better than you did, really.”

“Can you blame me? Bets on my love life,” she muttered as she poured herself a drink. “Or lack thereof, really.”

Alex frowned at her, seeing the cracks in her CEO façade.

“Do you have any meetings today?”

“Jess still has my ‘refuse everything’ schedule right now. Why?”

* * *

 “I don’t see why we had to come to the park if we’re just going to talk, Alex. If nothing else, one of our apartments would probably be more private. Less chance of being overheard.” She shifted uncomfortably in her coat, eyes scanning the area around them.

“It’s just better.” She turned around to face Lena, walking backwards along the path. “We get to walk and talk, and if you get uncomfortable,” she shrugged, “at least we’re outside so you don’t feel trapped. You can walk away anytime,” she darted forward to stop Lena’s escape attempt, “ _as long as_ you actually give talking a shot first.”

“You sound like my therapist,” Lena griped.

“I’m doing something right then,” she grinned.

“Whatever,” she rolled her eyes. “What _fascinating_ topic did you have in mind for us to discuss today, Doctor Danvers?”

“I’ll give you three guesses.”

Lena raised an eyebrow, unamused.

“I’m not exactly in the mood for guessing games, Alex.”

“Fair enough. _I’m asking_. Why’d you turn Kara down?”

“You’ve had a week to ask. Why does it suddenly matter?”

“It’s not ‘suddenly’. I was trying to give you some time, bring it up on your own. Which, you did,” she admitted. “For someone who’s ‘unwilling’ to talk about it, you brought it up a lot.”

“Does it matter?” She shook her head. “I turned her down, and that’s that.”

“You’re probably right. You shot Kara down, you’re upset over it, she knows it,” she nodded. “Which means she probably won’t ask again. Ever. Just to make sure she doesn’t make you uncomfortable again.” Lena’s jaw tightened and she turned away. “So if you did actually want to date her, fill her apartment with flowers one day, be ridiculously mushy together,” she shrugged, “you’d have to be the one to make a move this time.”

“Why would I want that,” she spat back. “I turned her down for a reason, didn’t I?”

“So you say. But you’re taking it pretty hard for someone who turned down the date, instead of being the one turned down.”

“So I’m upset that I’ve hurt her!”

“You thought we were all betting on you two getting together and breaking up.”

“Excuse me if a lifetime of being a Luthor has given me certain a certain foresight into people’s expectations of myself and my actions.”

“You’ve been drinking more heavily than you used to-”

“I have a difficult job!”

“You had Jess cancel everything for a whole week after you told her no-”

“Excuse me for giving myself time to deal with personal issues in private,” she said angrily.

“Lena, you told me you wanted to ‘get over it’, like she’d broken up with you, you told me you ‘ _can’t_ ’ date her.” She shook her head in disbelief. “When you were drunk that night I stayed over, you talked about how you wanted romance, you talked about doing romantic things _for her_ , and then told me you ‘can’t have that’, that you’re worried it would all end in disaster. ‘Like always’.”

“Well,” she said, her voice shaking, “good things _do_ always end in disaster for me. I’m a Luthor, of course they do. Not a year goes by now without an attempt on my life- not a week goes by without a death threat or three. I have had _one_ healthy romantic relationship in my life, and he died! He was a genius, wonderfully intelligent, capable of changing the world…but he was ‘normal’. And I _killed him_.” She held back tears, angrily brushing away any that managed to escape.

“How well do you think that would translate to Kara? Her being who she is, doing what she does? And my brother, hell, my _family_? Just by virtue of being with me, they’d go after her. And when she survived,” she laughed bitterly, “ _whatever_ torture they would no doubt try to put her through, they’d know who she is. _What_ she is. And she, and you, and Eliza would never have peace again.”

“Do you think Kara doesn’t know the risks? Lena, she’s known what could happen since she became friends with you. Before, even! And, she’d be in danger because of _your family_ ,” she asked disbelievingly, “have you even _thought_ about the danger you’d be in because of who she is? It’s a two way street, Lena. And you two are probably the only ones capable of handling each other’s baggage. Like you have been already.”

She lead Lena over to the bench nearby and they sat down, Alex’s hand on Lena’s knee.

“You can’t let the ‘what ifs’ stop you, not if you really want to be with her. I won’t say you won’t eventually lose her, because you might. And yeah, it might be because Lillian goes after her, or Lex finds out about her and wants to use her to get to you. But maybe not. Maybe you two will be so…insanely happy with each other that you forget how bad things used to be.”

“Not likely,” she snorted, again, wiping away the falling tears.

“Maybe not. But don’t you want to know?”

“I can’t lose her, Alex- I, I don’t know-”

“You won’t lose her unless you push her away. And even then,” she grinned, “she’s pretty stubborn about the people she cares about.” She squeezed Lena’s knee comfortingly. “You don’t need to know if you want to be with her right now. I think you both need the distance right now, to think about how you feel about each other, and what you want, once you start to hang out again. Besides,” she chuckled, “I think changing your mind right now would give even Supergirl whiplash from the suddenness.”

“Probably,” Lena laughed. “I still don’t- I don’t know.” She shook her head. “I don’t feel as though I deserve her. I’m a Luthor, and she’s… _Kara_ , you know?”

“Who are you to decide what she deserves?” She tapped her leg. “You’re her best friend. She asked you out. She wants you. Apparently, she thinks you’re good enough.” She smiled patiently at Lena’s disheartened shrug. “Look, I know she’s usually this…giant dose of sunshine, song in her heart, pep in her step, blah blah blah, a literal hero. But you’re no slouch yourself. Look at everything you’ve accomplished with L-Corp.  You’ve saved the entire alien population of National City before, you’ve saved Kara’s life before…hell, you helped save me from Corben. And you know what? Even without any of that stuff, even if you had failed? She’d still think you were wonderful.”  
  
“But I’m _not_ , I’m just… _me_. Lex Luthor’s little sister, a ticking time bomb against aliens-”

“You are _Lena_. Luthor or not, you are Lena. My friend, Kara’s _best_ friend. A literal genius who can kick anyone’s ass at Monopoly and Risk, who can’t draw in Pictionary to save her life, but learned how to win Mario Party in two games. Who knows how to comfort Kara after her nightmares and knows that the best way to wind down from the day is a little tv and wine. You’re not him. You don’t have to be defined by them. Just be you.”

“And then,” she sighed, patting Lena on the shoulder with one final smile, “decide if whoever you are wants to be with her. You have time.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> @sterling-jay on Tumblr, come say hi!


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